I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
