Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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