i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
