Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
