totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize