Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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