I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
