i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize