My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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