you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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