a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
