you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
