Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
