and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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