I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I would ride that face into the sunset
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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