I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
