I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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