She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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