Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
