I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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