never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
zippers are such a cool invention
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
