Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
