ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
youre lurking in front of me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
cat food counts as protein by the way
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
