no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He did a backflip because drugs
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