my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i barfeds in our rink
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
