Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
