i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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