why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
