I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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