Tell her she can't have a vagina
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Are my feet made of real feet?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
