I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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