Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
