let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
