i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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