Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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