I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
