I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He better not be in your backpack
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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