oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize