UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
