well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
