my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
