Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
