I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
