I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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