In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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