I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
