I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize