census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
