You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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