The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
