I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
