Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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