The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
