I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize