I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
