it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
