i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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