So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
