yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
