dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
