why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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