So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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