i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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