I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
