i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
