So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize