I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The Olympian is in my bed
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
