I showed him my bush... on skype.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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