Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
