During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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