kristin has been a bad kristin
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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