I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
