He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
