Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
