That's intense
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
