do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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