So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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