Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
