I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
