We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Randomize
