My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
