My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
