So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
