my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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