its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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