is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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