two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize