I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
