Michael Bay diarrhea
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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