I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
As shirtless as possible
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
