She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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