She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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