Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
