Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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