Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My vagina just clenched in fear
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize