i think my mom watched the whole time
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
