clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
