Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
