I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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