She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
