i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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