Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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