I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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