My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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