people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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