I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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