Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
