I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
