i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
