come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
