You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
