There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Everclear isn't food dammit
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
