i just sent this text using only my big toe
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
