I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
