let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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